If heaven and hell decide
That they both are satisfied,
Illuminate the 'no's on their 'vacancy' signs
If there's no one beside you when your soul embarks,
Then I'll follow you into the dark.
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So what if you can see the darker side of me?
Hedonist, headbanger, heathen.
Sapphic, self-sustainable, smart (enough).
Musical, melancholic, me.
Twisted, tempremental,tame.
Determined, decided, disjointed.
Fast, fierce, free.
That's me in a nutshell, if I could fit into one anyway.
Who can tell me what love is?
I wish you could.
Hedonist, headbanger, heathen.
Sapphic, self-sustainable, smart (enough).
Musical, melancholic, me.
Twisted, tempremental,
Determined, decided, disjointed.
Fast, fierce, free.
That's me in a nutshell, if I could fit into one anyway.
Who can tell me what love is?
I wish you could.
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Designer: Trash.co
Basecodes: Detonatedlove
Image: Ohhspontaneityy
Brushes: Moargh, Aethereality
Font: Dafont
Image host: Photobucket
Scripts: Dynamic Drive
We broke up so long ago. So long ago. And I hate to admit it, but til today, you still have a power over me.
You called just now, because you needed to take your anger out on someone. The really sad part is, I let you. I tolerate all the things you say, even the nice ones because I know they're lies, because you still have that control of me.
Did it even occur to you what I went through for you? How the things you put me through hurt me and still affect me til today? I don't even know how deep you've gone. But I know that because of you, I'm terrified of people I love suddenly not loving me anymore - even if I've been told that's not true. Because of you, I'm terrified of being imperfect because I wasn't good enough for you, and you made me think I wasn't good enough for anyone. Because of you, I don't fight back often. Because of you, I always get around to hating and blaming myself for everything that's out of my control. Because of you, I let people toy around with how I feel, saying they love me one minute and yelling at me the next. Because of you, I've forgotten how it feels like to be in control of myself, because I operate on other people's emotions and thoughts. And because of you, I can't connect the dots between love and intimacy, because you made me feel like it was one or the other.
You told me I was never gonna be perfect in anyone's eyes, that people only liked me because I bent over backwards for them, that I had to do so many things just to hear you say,"I love you," til it didn't mean a thing, that no one would love me, even that people talked to me because they felt sorry for me and the fact that I was a loner.
All these things are lies, and yet I feel them constantly echoing in my head. Do you know that everytime I see a lover walk away, or a friend, I break down worse than I should? Do you know how often I hate everything about myself? And how, when someone says they don't love me, even while they're holding my hand, I'm so used to it that I can't even bring myself to blame them for once? I don't care who stops me anymore, this is how I feel, now.
I'm sick of being at your mercy. Everytime you verbally abused me, or took out your anger on me, and yes I still remember how it felt, and everytime your moodswings turned violent, I just stood there and believed it was my fault. Fxck you.
I don't know, do any of you understand? And if you do, how do you get out of it?
I miss B... I miss that warmth and that familiarity. I really don't know how I'd get used to anyone else.
Whoa, I want to hate you half as much
As I hate myself
And know that I could crush you with my voice.
Basecodes: Detonatedlove
Image: Ohhspontaneityy
Brushes: Moargh, Aethereality
Font: Dafont
Image host: Photobucket
Scripts: Dynamic Drive
2:30 PM, Sunday, May 18, 2008
It's not fxcking fair.We broke up so long ago. So long ago. And I hate to admit it, but til today, you still have a power over me.
You called just now, because you needed to take your anger out on someone. The really sad part is, I let you. I tolerate all the things you say, even the nice ones because I know they're lies, because you still have that control of me.
Did it even occur to you what I went through for you? How the things you put me through hurt me and still affect me til today? I don't even know how deep you've gone. But I know that because of you, I'm terrified of people I love suddenly not loving me anymore - even if I've been told that's not true. Because of you, I'm terrified of being imperfect because I wasn't good enough for you, and you made me think I wasn't good enough for anyone. Because of you, I don't fight back often. Because of you, I always get around to hating and blaming myself for everything that's out of my control. Because of you, I let people toy around with how I feel, saying they love me one minute and yelling at me the next. Because of you, I've forgotten how it feels like to be in control of myself, because I operate on other people's emotions and thoughts. And because of you, I can't connect the dots between love and intimacy, because you made me feel like it was one or the other.
You told me I was never gonna be perfect in anyone's eyes, that people only liked me because I bent over backwards for them, that I had to do so many things just to hear you say,"I love you," til it didn't mean a thing, that no one would love me, even that people talked to me because they felt sorry for me and the fact that I was a loner.
All these things are lies, and yet I feel them constantly echoing in my head. Do you know that everytime I see a lover walk away, or a friend, I break down worse than I should? Do you know how often I hate everything about myself? And how, when someone says they don't love me, even while they're holding my hand, I'm so used to it that I can't even bring myself to blame them for once? I don't care who stops me anymore, this is how I feel, now.
I'm sick of being at your mercy. Everytime you verbally abused me, or took out your anger on me, and yes I still remember how it felt, and everytime your moodswings turned violent, I just stood there and believed it was my fault. Fxck you.
I don't know, do any of you understand? And if you do, how do you get out of it?
I miss B... I miss that warmth and that familiarity. I really don't know how I'd get used to anyone else.
Whoa, I want to hate you half as much
As I hate myself
And know that I could crush you with my voice.